jeffshauna is incredibly real, and this is because shauna could sit jeff down and tell him “jeff i only married you because you’re the last existing piece of jackie and me hooking up with you senior year was a desperate attempt to get as close to her in the most socially acceptable way i could think of which was already deeply fucked with having you cheat on her with me because i thought chasing after her would be worse” and jeff would lean back in his chair and go “whoa. that’s a doozy.” then after he ruminates on it in silence for a couple minutes he would lean his chair back and get up and rummage through the fridge and go “okay well it’s almost dinner time. are you feeling hot dogs or bratwursts”
Notice: not only do your friends actually like you, they secretly like you twice as much as they let on
An experience that made me feel much more assured in my friendships was at college, a friend and myself were talking about a third friend of ours and how cool and knowledgeable and smart she is and how we feel like we could never be that cool. The next day I was working with a professor on some paper presentations we were about to have and when I came out of the staff room I was informed that these two aforementioned friends were having the same discussion about me. And it turns out we spent a lot of time thinking about our friends who aren't currently in the room and gushing over how cool and smart and talented they are without being able to say all of it to their face.
Your friends secretly love you a lot more than they already express, just like you love them so intensely that saying it all to their faces would sound clumsy to your own ears. It's true though
it would be so cool to have an elephant fuck with your shit like just once i wanna be doing paperwork at a desk and an elephant trunk just moseys on over across the desk and starts moving stuff around and greabbing my pen and slapping my face and shit. would be awesome
Unironically, it would be so cool to be pranked by an elephant.





